A Hard Pill to Swallow
by Mako Headrush
Summary: This started off with a prompt from Princess Turk...we were discussing what would happen if Reno - who doesn't really seem to NEED such medications - were to take the ShinRa version of Viagra. Rated M for language, lemon, and Reno. One-shot, yaoi


**This started off with a prompt from Princess Turk...we were discussing what would happen if Reno - who doesn't really seem to NEED such medications - were to take Viagra. **

**Oh yeah, I'm going there. :) Rating, M, obviously, for language, smut, lemon, and Reno. One shot.**

**I do not own Final Fantasy, Square Enix does; this fic is written for fun, not profit. Nor do I own the patent for Viagra, alas, if I did...I would be soooo rich. **

* * *

It looked innocuous enough, the amber plastic pill bottle that Reno held, cradled in his hand. "Shinra pharmaceuticals at their finest," Rude had quipped, upon hearing about the latest 'miracle drug' to come forth from Shinra's labs. A call had gone forth to employees, to participate in a study group, for this new and experimental medication.

Reno still had the flyer advertising such on his desk, and picked it up to read it again. _Is your sex life suffering?_ it read. _Shinra, Inc. Laboratories is seeking a study group for an experimental drug intended on prolonging a man's pleasure_.

"Say no more!" Reno chirped cheerfully, grinning at Rude, as he showed him the flyer. "Rude, did you see this? Maybe you should sign up too, yo. I just picked up my first dose," he added, shaking the pill bottle in his hand, rattling the medication inside.

Rude studied the flyer and audibly groaned, rolling his eyes. "Reno," he said, in a cautionary tone. "Since _when_ is your sex life suffering? Gods, I hear enough about you and Cloud...more than I ever wanted to, honestly," he added.

Reno snorted. "It's _not_ suffering. But, you know, what's wrong with trying to make a good thing even _better_?"

Rude looked dubious. "I thought those kind of pills were for guys who can't get it up?" he asked. "According to you, you don't have a problem in that department."

"Yeah, but sometimes I wanna keep going, but I get _tired_, yo," Reno complained. "This will help me last longer."

"That's normal, to get tired," Rude replied, shaking his head. "After exerting yourself."

"Well," Reno drawled, sticking a cigarette in between his lips. "Let me ask you this, partner. How long can you go for? What's the longest you've ever fucked?"

"You put it so delicately, Reno," Rude deadpanned, rolling his eyes again. "No comment."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Rude," Reno whined. "You can tell me, yo. I tell you everything!"

"Yes, whether I want to hear it or not," Rude answered, chuckling.

"I can fuck for an hour straight, but that's it, man," Reno declared, just as Elena and Tseng entered the office. "Then I hit the fucking wall." The female Turk groaned and made a face.

"Really, Reno," she complained. "Is that all you ever talk about?"

"No, Laney," Reno said dryly. "You just have impeccable timing, and always manage to walk in at exactly the most awkward moment." He looked up at Tseng, who rolled his eyes at his Second.

"You really have no filter, Reno," Tseng remarked. "Has anyone ever told you that?"

"Yeah, I get that from Cloud, a lot," Reno replied, grinning cheekily. "Sir? We're all caught up here...is it okay if we...clock out early?" he asked Tseng.

Tseng nodded. "That's fine," he agreed. "Good work today, everyone. And Reno?"

Reno paused, turning back to look at Tseng. "Yes?"

"Don't do anything stupid with those pills," he cautioned, nodding toward the plastic bottle clutched tightly in Reno's hand.

"What?" Reno protested. "I'm following the directions, yo."

"I'm just saying..." Tseng sighed, shaking his head. He knew that once Reno got his mind on something, there was no dissuading him, even if the thing he had in mind turned out to be a _very_ bad idea. "Just be cognizant of the side effects, Reno. I've read the literature on this medication, actually...and some of the side effects sound _highly_ unpleasant."

"You mean like having a four hour erection?" Reno interjected, giggling. "That doesn't sound so bad to me, yo. I bet Cloud won't be complaining, either."

"I bet he will be," Tseng muttered under his breath, drawing a curious look from Reno.

"What was that, boss?" Reno asked, completely oblivious.

"Nothing," Tseng murmured, shaking his head. "Go on home to Cloud, Reno. And...good luck, I guess?"

Reno cackled, as he exited the Turks office. "Thanks, boss. This is going to be a night to remember, yo." Reno had no idea then, how right he would be about that.

* * *

Back at their shared apartment, Cloud had returned home after completing a day of deliveries, and was unwinding with a bottle of beer. He kicked off his boots and sat on the couch, scanning a variety of take-out menus as he tried to decide where to order dinner, and switched the TV on. Soon thereafter, he heard Reno coming in the door, the momentary silence suddenly shattered as Reno made his usual noisy and excitable entrance, as he did every day after coming home from work. Cloud sighed in mock annoyance; he really didn't mind Reno's exuberance, it was one of the reasons he'd found himself inexplicably drawn to the fiery redhead in the first place.

"Honey, I'm hooooome!" Reno trilled in a sing-song voice, cheesy grin on his face as he pounced on Cloud, nearly knocking the bottle of beer out of his hand, as he seized the other's lips in a passionate kiss.

"Mmpff - " Cloud grunted in mild protest, trying to keep his beer from spilling. When Reno finally broke the kiss, panting, Cloud shook his head, looking at him in disbelief as he set his beer down on the coffee table. "What has gotten _into_ you?" Cloud asked, his tone somewhat bewildered.

"Nothing," Reno replied, sniggering. "Well...just one of these," he added, reaching into his pants pocket for the pill bottle, shaking it for emphasis. "It's supposed to enhance our sex life, so say the ShinRa docs."

"Who said our sex life needs enhancing?" Cloud asked, bemusedly. He arched an eyebrow as Reno pushed him back down on the couch, grinding his hardness onto him.

"Feel that?" Reno whispered, a soft moan slipping out. He felt as if his entire body was aching with need, and desire.

"Yeah," Cloud mumbled, pulling Reno down, seizing those smirking lips with his own. "Uh...yeah."

Reno felt himself go a bit lightheaded, it seemed as if all the blood in his body was rushing to _one_ spot, and he swayed a bit as he extricated himself from Cloud, leading his lover down the hallway to their bedroom. He crashed into the doorjamb, and leaned into Cloud for support, who was growing a bit concerned. Reno was almost stumbling around as if drunk, yet Cloud could smell no alcohol on his breath.

"Are you okay?" Cloud asked, easing himself alongside Reno, as the Turk stumbled onto the bed, kicking off his boots, grumbling incoherently.

"Yeah, I'm - fine," Reno said through clenched teeth. Truth be told, Reno was beginning to feel anything but fine, his erection was becoming almost painful.

"Let's do this, babe," Reno purred, hoping that a heated session of lovemaking with Cloud would help to alleviate his burgeoning 'problem.' Clothes were quickly shed, and Cloud lay face-to-face with Reno, kissing him hungrily, wrapping a leg around Reno's hips as he ground his own erection into Reno's.

"Fuck," Reno gasped, feeling himself grow even harder, if such a thing was possible. "I need - in you - now," he added, stammering incoherently. His expression looked pained, and Cloud was growing increasingly worried, despite his desire for Reno.

"We can stop, you know," Cloud said slowly, Reno hissing loudly as he felt the cold lube being applied to his cock. "You really don't look so good, Reno."

"I'm fine, yo," Reno insisted. "I want you, Cloud, I want you _now_."

Cloud nodded, rolling onto his back as Reno lay in between his thighs, pressing down, pushing Cloud's knees up slightly as he entered him in one quick thrust.

"God, you feel so good," Reno whispered, driving slowly in and out of Cloud, bracing himself by placing his hands on Cloud's shoulders as they made love, slowly. "I love you, Cloud...I always have...always will," he whispered, peppering his lover with soft kisses up and down his face.

"You...too," Cloud moaned, feeling as though Reno might split him in half, he was so unbelievably _hard_. "Oh gods, Reno..." Cloud wrapped his legs around Reno, as his lover took him to the edge and back, Cloud coming close to his peak several times, but Reno was showing no signs of stopping - they made love like that for well over an hour, when Cloud grimaced, pushing Reno off of him.

"I need...to stop," Cloud said, pleading. He grinned at Reno, kissing him. "I'm sore. We've been going at it for over an _hour_, you know."

"Damn it, I'm still hard!" Reno exclaimed, glaring at his penis. "Cloud...it goddamned fucking _hurts_ now," he moaned, finally admitting that it was not feeling all that good. "And I don't know how to get it back down..."

"Ice, maybe?" Cloud suggested helpfully, pulling on a pair of pajama pants. Reno nodded enthusiastically at the idea. "Good call, babe. Can you - "

"I'll get something for you," Cloud said. "Just...try to relax, I guess. Think about something un-sexy."

"Pretty fucking impossible when I live with _you_," Reno retorted, grinning, eyeing Cloud's perfect ass as he left the room, wanting to roam those curves with his hands, along with other parts of his anatomy. "Fuck. That is _not_ helping me," Reno muttered, closing his eyes. He sat up in the bed gingerly, and carefully hobbled over to his dresser, pulling out a pair of pajama pants for himself, carefully pulling them on. Just the sensation of the cloth brushing over his erect penis was excruciating; Reno howled in pain, falling back on the bed. He looked down at his crotch, the fabric of the pants tenting ridiculously as his hard-on stuck out from his pelvis in an exaggerated fashion.

Reno peeled the waistband of his pants down and snarled, glaring at his penis again. "I fucking hate you!" he yelled, not even seeing Cloud return to the bedroom with a handful of ice wrapped in a towel.

"Were you just...talking to your dick?" Cloud asked, starting to fear for Reno's sanity. He was starting to think whatever medication Reno had taken, it was a _bad_ idea.

"Yes, I'm talking to my dick," Reno snapped, taking the ice from Cloud and putting it on his member. "Oh fuck yeah...that feels good."

"Maybe I should summon Shiva to give you a blowjob," Cloud quipped, smirking. Reno looked at him curiously, no trace of a smile on his face.

"That...could work, yo," Reno said slowly. "Thing is, though...Shiva and I...we don't always get along."

"So what," Cloud said dismissively. "If I summon her, she has to do what I say, right? I mean...I've never called a summon for sexual favors. Really, who would do such a thing?" he added, snickering.

Reno stared at Cloud, smirking. "Well," he said, coughing quietly into his hand. "Sometimes a man gets kinda lonely..."

Cloud gasped. "You did not! _Did_ you? Who did you summon?"

"All of them," Reno said simply. "I thought it'd be fun to like, have an orgy with all the summons, ya know? Well, except for Ifrit. I didn't want my shit burned, obviously. Don't look at me like that, Cloud! It was when I was single, and horny!"

"You are unbelievable," Cloud murmured, shaking his head. He grabbed his armlet with the summon materia, and waved his hand over it, whispering the summon's name as he called her. _I wonder what Reno meant about not getting along with Shiva? _

He was about to find out. A shimmering, phosphorescent fog appeared in the bedroom as Shiva materialized, clad only in her iridescent bikini, standing at the foot of the bed. Cloud felt the hairs on his arms stand on end, as the cold emanated from the summon, immediately plunging the room into coldness.

"I am here to do your bidding - " Shiva began, then groaned as she saw who was lying on the bed. "Not you again!"

"Hi Shiv," Reno said sheepishly, waving. "Listen...I know things didn't go well last time we saw each other - "

"I should say not!" Shiva snapped, folding her arms across her chest. "I do believe that's the first time someone's tried to use me to keep their beer cold."

"Oh, come on," Reno protested. "It's not like I shoved the bottle up your snatch and used you as a human Koozie, I'm not that bad."

"No, but waking up in your bed surrounded by several cases of beer was a new low...even for you," Shiva snapped.

"Rude liked it," Reno argued. "You remember Rude, don't you, Shivvy? He said it was the best beer he'd ever tasted."

"I'm leaving," Shiva retorted, turning away from Cloud and Reno.

"No!" Cloud shouted, laying a hand on her arm. Shiva turned back and regarded the blond warily. "I - well, we - need your help. Reno...well, his erection...it won't come down."

"You have got to be kidding me," Shiva replied, rolling her eyes. "And what do you expect me to do about it?"

"Well, I just thought that - maybe you could - " Cloud stammered, suddenly too embarrassed to say out loud what he wanted Shiva to do to Reno.

"I am _not_ giving him a blowjob!" Shiva exclaimed, shaking her head. Cloud sighed. "Okay...that's fair enough, I shouldn't have even thought it, really. But can you...I don't know, do Diamond Dust on him?"

"No!" Reno shouted, shielding his crotch with his hands, staring at Cloud and Shiva in abject horror. "No, no, NO! I don't want my junk frostbitten, damn it! Gods, Cloud, what the fuck are you thinking!"

"I don't know!" Cloud snapped irritably. "I'm trying to help! You're the idiot that took experimental medication so you could get a never-ending hard-on!"

Shiva burst out laughing, clutching her sides. "Oh, Gaia," she gasped, in between fits of giggles. "Seriously? That's how this happened? Oh gods Reno, you really are an idiot."

"I think we've established that this was not a great idea," Reno muttered dryly. "Can you do something, Shiv? Maybe a low-level ice spell? Like...not enough to freeze my junk off...just...enough to make me, um..."

"Flaccid," Cloud supplied helpfully, sending Shiva into another gale of laughter.

"It's not fucking funny!" Reno whined, throwing his head back into the pillow in frustration. "So glad you're enjoying this, Shiv."

"I am," she said, eyes dancing with laughter. "This makes up for the last time, I guess," Shiva added, snickering. "Okay...I will see what I can do. I _can_ cast Diamond Dust, but I'll try to lessen the intensity of the spell. And I'm not giving you a blowjob, Reno," she reminded him.

"Didn't ask for one, yo," Reno murmured. "Shame though, you're pretty good at them from what I remember." He gave Shiva a cheesy grin as Cloud groaned.

"That wasn't me," Shiva told him, shaking her head. "Hades did that."

"_Hades_?" Reno exclaimed. "_Hades_ sucked my cock?"

"I really don't want to know, Reno," Cloud muttered, glaring at him. "Shiva, if you don't mind...I've heard enough about my boyfriend's prior sexual exploits..."

"You poor thing," Shiva murmured, clucking sympathetically at Cloud. "You must be some kind of a masochist. Okay...Cloud, stand behind me, please, while I do this. Reno...this is going to sting a little..."

"Just numb me, please," Reno begged, fear in his turquoise eyes. "Please."

Shiva sighed and shrugged. "All right, then." She raised her arms over her head and swooped them back down in a circle, then took one step forward, eyes closed shut in concentration. A white, pearlescent light came over Reno, settling down over him as ice crystals began to form over his body, soothing the fire in his crotch almost instantly.

"Ahh, that feels nice," Reno murmured, basking in the frosty numbness he was feeling. Shiva's arms fell to her side, and she looked over at Cloud, who was reading the patient literature for the experimental drug.

"I'm done now," she said quietly. "The rest is up to him."

"Thank you," Cloud said gratefully, folding the paper in his hand in half. "Really, thank you. I know you didn't have to help him..."

Shiva smiled at Cloud. "It's fine," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "He's not such a bad guy, really, he just doesn't _think_."

Cloud chuckled. "Yeah. I know. Trust me, I know."

"He'll be numb for a few hours," Shiva warned, before she disappeared. "But after that, he should be fine."

"Okay, good. Thanks again," Cloud called after her as she vaporized into thin air. Cloud sat on the bed next to Reno, shaking his head. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah, I can't feel a thing, yo," Reno replied, grinning. He suddenly yawned, and shivered, drawing the covers around him. "Tired now, though."

"Do me a favor, and don't ever fucking do that again?" Cloud admonished him. "Did you even read that pamphlet, about the side effects?"

"Yeah," Reno mumbled drowsily. "Said...I can get a four hour erection. It sounded like a good idea..."

"Clearly it wasn't," Cloud said dryly. "And did you honestly think I could withstand you like that, for _four solid hours_? There is not enough lube in the _world_ for that."

Reno stared stupidly at Cloud. "I...hadn't thought about that, I guess. Sorry."

"And," Cloud went on, "you could have had a stroke, or died - this medication isn't something to play around with, Reno."

"Look, can you save the lecture, Cloud? _Please_?" Reno pleaded. "I'm obviously not gonna do it again."

"Well, good," Cloud replied, wrapping his arms around Reno.

"I am never having sex again," Reno moaned, whimpering theatrically. He caught Cloud's disbelieving stare and burst out laughing.

"Oh, Gaia," Reno hooted, wiping tears from his eyes. "You thought I was serious? Hell no, babe. Now, it might take me a while before I'm, ah...up for anything again. But you know I can't resist you, or your fine ass," he added, leering.

Cloud chuckled, laying his head on the pillow next to Reno's. "I should have known better. Reno...let's get some sleep."


End file.
